Hypersexual

My mind used to always be preoccupied with sex. Seeing an attractive man would derail my thoughts. Porn was a regular activity. It was such a battle.

But after I had spent some time in therapy, I noticed that that preoccupation seemed to fade. My mind wasn't so willing to go there. And I gradually felt more calm. So what happened?

In hindsight, I think working through my past allowed me to heal from wounds I was trying to numb. More specifically, my ability to regulate my emotional state had been compromised, which led to a fixation on sex as a way to cope.

Research also seems to support this idea. And I want to briefly highlight one study I came across that demonstrates this point.

The Study

The article was published in 2020 in Current Addiction Reports by Melissa N. Slavin and colleagues, titled 'Child Sexual Abuse and Compulsive Sexual Behavior: A Systematic Literature Review.'¹ The study focuses on child sexual abuse, but it also highlights the role of other forms of maltreatment — like physical abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect — suggesting that early trauma might lead to hypersexuality as a compensatory response to unresolved pain.

The review analyzed findings from 21 peer-reviewed studies and examined the link between childhood maltreatment and compulsive sexual behavior. The studies drew from diverse groups, including community samples, treatment-seeking individuals, incarcerated offenders, college students, veterans, and men who have sex with men. Here's a breakdown of the key findings:

• Strong Association with Child Sexual Abuse: In 17 of the 21 studies, childhood sexual abuse was significantly linked to higher rates of compulsive sexual behavior (hypersexuality), including risky behaviors like unprotected sex or multiple partners. Longitudinal data also showed childhood sexual abuse predicting earlier sexual debut and higher teen parenthood rates.
• Role of Physical Abuse: Physical abuse emerged as a powerful predictor, with one study noting a 'dose-response' effect — meaning more severe or frequent abuse correlated with greater hypersexuality. In treatment samples, 72% of those with sexual addiction reported physical abuse alongside other traumas.
• Impact of Emotional Abuse: Often the most prevalent form (up to 97% in some samples), emotional abuse was a standalone predictor of compulsive sexual behavior in several studies, even when childhood sexual abuse wasn't directly correlated. Emotional abuse disrupts attachment and self-worth, leading to sexual ambivalence and hypersexuality to fill emotional voids.
• Effects of Neglect: Neglect contributed to cumulative maltreatment effects, with research showing it adds to the variance in hypersexuality beyond child sexual abuse alone. It impairs self-soothing and affect regulation, making individuals more prone to using sex as a maladaptive coping mechanism.

The study has it's own limitations, though. For example, definitions of compulsive sexual behavior vary and the data relies on self-reports. Still, the evidence points to childhood maltreatment as a precursor to hypersexuality. If you want to review it yourself, the original study is available for free online.

In short, trauma affects neurological development (e.g., impairing emotion regulation in the brain), alters attachment models (leading to insecure relationships), and fosters maladaptive coping, where hypersexuality serves to regain control, manage distress, and/or escape shame.

Why Does This Matter?

I used to think I just had a high sex drive. You see that a lot in male couples – high levels of promiscuity. But is that just because we're 'born this way'?

I don't think so.

This research underscores how early maltreatment can disrupt the natural development of healthy relationships and emotional regulation. It makes sense that such a disruption might create vulnerabilities like low distress tolerance that could lead to hypersexuality as a way to seek pseudo-intimacy, validation, or even recreate a sense of control.

Those of us who have started down that path quickly find that that kind of behavior only gives a fleeting reprieve. It numbs, but does not quiet the inner distress.

Healing & Moving Forward

It wasn't that I was just weak, had some kind of moral failing, or a defect in my character. I was just trying to fight a symptom of a deeper hurt. Something I didn't quite understand. And I know I'm not the only one.

In a sex-crazed society, perhaps the disintegration of traditional family values has led to a generation of people like me: wounded children in adult bodies trying to find love in all the wrong places.

The good news is that addressing the root — through trauma-informed therapy, support groups, or faith-based counseling — can help rewire those disrupted pathways. I continue to experience this on my own journey. As I move past my past, I learn healthier ways of connecting with others. And those incessant sexual thoughts? I'm no longer overwhelmed by them.

If you’re struggling, please remember that you're not defined by your past — you can choose a path aligned with your values and a life free from unwanted urges. Finding courage to ask for help can be life-changing; and I’m here to offer support along the way. You don't have to be a victim of your circumstances.

1) Slavin, M. N., Scoglio, A. a. J., Blycker, G. R., Potenza, M. N., & Kraus, S. W. (2020). Child Sexual Abuse and Compulsive Sexual Behavior: A Systematic Literature review. Current Addiction Reports, 7(1), 76–88. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40429-020-00298-9