Don't Trust Me

Navigating same-sex attraction is no easy task. I'm constantly bombarded with conflicting messages that challenge my own resolve.

On the one hand, there are messages saying that people can't change. That they shouldn't change. Or when they try to change, they fail. On the other hand, there are accounts of people who have managed to shift their sexuality – not just through celibacy, but real and lasting change – though, such accounts seem to be less common. (Or perhaps such accounts are less vocal?) Either way, both perspectives offer anecdotal evidence...but that still leaves me questioning, what is the truth?

Answering that question has been a lifelong pursuit. I spent a long time trying to ignore my feelings, but it wasn't until a few years ago I decided that I wouldn't be a victim of my own circumstances. Since then, I've gathered resources that I've found to be helpful in my own understanding of same-sex attraction.

And today, I want to share those resources.

I started this newsletter with the intention of making it as helpful as possible. I think about what my life would've looked like had I known what I know now. Perhaps I could've avoided some heartache.

And in that spirit, I'm doubling down on making this site as helpful as it can be. Last week, I launched an AI chatbot to help answer questions about same-sex attraction. (It's still a work in progress and I welcome all feedback!). This week, I'm adding a new Resources page to the website.

The Resources page is an ongoing collection of counseling references, support groups and organizations, podcasts and videos, books, and research literature. Over the years, I've spent a lot of time searching for answers. And many of these resources that resonated with me in a small way. Some are faith-based. Some are more psychological in nature. But collectively, they've helped me come to the understanding I have now – much like putting together puzzle pieces.

I've used many of these resources personally; others come recommended by people who've tried them. My hope is that they'll be helpful to you in some way.

That said, I don't want you to believe everything I say blindly. Rather, do the research and listen to your own intuition. Trust your gut. If what I write resonates with you, great. If something sounds questionable, that's ok too. I try and provide resources for everything I write. I want to empower you to trust in your own agency. The more information you have, the more informed your decisions will be. And the conclusions you arrive at will have more conviction if you've done the work to get there.

That's why the Resources page is important.

I cannot fix your problems; but perhaps I can provide information that empowers you to fix your problems yourself.

Such a statement would've irritated me when I was younger. But I look at my own journey now and see how I've grown. There was a time where, if given the chance, I would've have taken a pill to become straight. Of course, there is no such thing. But in hindsight, that would've been a mistake. That would've robbed me of the chance to learn and grow. And I'm much better off now for the struggle.

At the risk of sounding cliché, life really is like a crucible. It tests you beyond what you think is possible. You either sink or swim. You either become better or bitter. And I've been at both ends of that spectrum.

But I think you can find help if you look for it. And that's what I want this to be.

So, check out the resources page to see if there's anything that catches your eye. The plan is to update the list as needed. Make it a living document so to speak. So if there are things you think we need to add, just let me know.

Glad you're all here.