The Amplifier

I've been saying for some time that shame is a driver of same-sex attraction. When shame is high, so is depression. So I took a depression screener to measure my mood. I was sort of expecting elevated levels. After all, people with same-sex attraction do report depression at higher rates, and it holds even where acceptance is high.

I scored a 4 out of 27, which is minimal. On paper, my mood is fine.

I thought maybe the screener doesn't catch how I'm truly feeling inside. That's a possibility. Another possibility is that mood is more loosely related than I've suggested in the past. Or maybe stigma plays a bigger role than I'd like to admit. In any case, if my mood is fine, how come I still find myself attracted to other guys?

Perhaps a more honest and nuanced version is that low mood isn't the cause. It's an amplifier. When I'm low — when my confidence is down, when my self-esteem is gone — the attraction gets louder. When I'm steady it's quieter, but it's still lurking back there.

I'm curious what you think. You can take the screener yourself if you'd like. It's up on the Assessments page. There are nine questions. It takes about two minutes, and nothing is saved.

Take it here: Low Mood (PHQ-9)

Again, this is just a number to start from, not a label.

Kroenke, K., Spitzer, R. L., & Williams, J. B. W. (2001). The PHQ-9: Validity of a brief depression severity measure. Journal of General Internal Medicine, 16(9), 606–613.